The Circle Continues

It has been a while since I posted here. It has been an intense couple of years and as I reach the end of 2018 I feel I have emptied myself out completely and phoenix-like from the ashes I rise again. 



Where do I even start? 

As a mother….I feel I have definitely had a feeling of failing my children at times. Juggling too many things at once, juggling emotionally challenging issues with them, my partner, myself, trying to grow as a woman, mother, partner, person…. Everything mixed up into one. You never really feel you are doing enough. And yet you so are!

The Children are growing up fast! My 15 year old Mélodie is off at boarding school and fast becoming a beautiful young lady…. Each mother I think goes through this passage of time - the letting go, allowing just enough freedom. Every time one of these moments comes I feel like Meryl Streep in Mama Mia saying goodbye “school bag in hand she goes off in the early morning"… and then all of sudden she is off, on her own, needs you less, has her friends, instagram account, life! 

MY 10 year old Clémentine no different. Full of life, full of hopes and ideas. Both of my children  have had to face the terrible reality of death, of suicide at the hands of my partner. They have lived so close to trauma and seen their Mum suffer, struggle, loose it. I think that was the worst for them. Mum who has always been there for them, strong, resilient, always a solution. And suddenly I could make no plans, didn’t have the solutions and would cry at the drop of a hat. It has been tough, a massive learning curve for us all. Clémentine could see me struggling to cope but really trying to - she turned to me this October and said "Mum, what has happened is part of the past, you need to move forwards into the future now". Wise beyond her years!

As a yogi…

Wow, without my practice I am honestly not sure where I would be! It has been very hard I spent the first few weeks after Stephane’s death crying through most of my practice and lying down with my knees into my chest. But I did unroll the mat, I did try and breathe – even that was hard – and I did it every day. Knowing how to stand in my light and stay there, be rooted. To practice being me faced with the most massive challenges life can throw at you. Asking myself - How much do you share of yourself with your students, where are the barriers and limits…. I decided to share a lot. I received so much back. My yoga practice, my yoga teaching, have taught me to lean into the universe and allow it's beautiful energy and strength to wash over me. To trust that everything is in it's place! That the simplest of sights and nature's beauty is often just enough to keep you going on the down days...

As a woman….

Again where to start!! The last few years I have experienced almost everything you can I believe as a woman. From the despair you face when you realise that to really and truly be you, you are going to have break up a family and leave a husband of many years. When you start dating and meeting all sorts of pretty nice guys but not really the one, some totally strange guys too, thinking it is actually better alone and then finding someone and thinking this could really work and then …  the finality of him taking his own life, you ask yourself some massive questions as a woman!

And so where do you go from there? How DO you move forwards and grow whilst protecting and holding onto yourself. I don’t have all the answers, really, except that I am feeling good now, strong, calm and happy in the beautiful, simple freedom to be me that my life is offering. I am happy to live in the energy that is right now. It feels good coming home to myself, holding onto the present and diving deeply into it.... I am enough, I am unique, I intend to continue living like a colourful unicorn for life is amazing and needs a little more glitter here and there!


Life has a beautiful way of surprising you as it twists and turns, meanders and flows. As it guides you up and down, in all directions and through all emotions.  All it is trying to get you to do is sit in your presence, listen and feel. And when you do magic happens....
Suddenly you understand that everything is in it's place
That certain things just match and fit and you can't explain it
That when you do let go, let your head have a rest you FEEL great, like you have arrived, come home....

As the Christmas festivities arrive and the year comes to a close, there is a smile on my face that has been absent for a while. A large inner and outer smile that goes right up to my cheeks ... because certain things are just meant to be
Everything is in it's place
Life feels very good, full of excitement, fresh starts and beautiful meandering pathways full of love.
Namaste

Have an amazing end to your 2018 and make 2019 very very special....


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